The Right to Say No?

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Sir and I had an “interesting” conversation with another Dom. This Dom felt that Sir was way too lenient and allowed me too many freedoms. I was too free with my feelings. I was too opinionated with my thoughts. I was too mouthy about my ideas on what this relationship should be. And the idea that I was able to say no, to anything, was absolutely unheard of to Him. There would be no way He would ever accept my behavior as a submissive. And if I were to ever say no to Him, I would be severely punished.

My reply? I was respectful… Or as respectful as I can be. I simply said, “With all due respect, this is why I would never be your sub and you my Dom. I would not be comfortable in that type of dynamic. Any dynamic that does not allow me the freedom to have an opinion on my limitations is not the right one for me. I am sorry you feel that way. But, I respect your right to your opinion.”

He was flabbergasted at my response. He asked Sir if He was going to allow me to speak to another Dom in such a disrespectful way. I didn’t even use a proper title. Sir’s reply was music to this sub’s ears.

“Yes she is stubborn, and opinionated, and bratty, and down right difficult. And she is perfect. The perfect sub for Me. I understand she is not what you look for in a sub. And that is ok. But I want a sub who has the freedom to make decisions without the fear of being wrong. I want someone who can be independent and does not require My attention every waking moment to make sure she is doing what I expect her to do. I do not have time to babysit. I am clear with her about what I expect. She knows the consequences. And yes, she can say no, if she so chooses. In response to her disrespect towards you? I feel she was quite respectful. She does not need to call you some title you feel entitled to. I will allow it when I feel you have earned it.”

Oohhhh…. I think we lost a fan on our page. Oops. Well, in all honesty, I did not care too much. And Sir was not sad to see Him go either. We are not in the habit of chasing people away. We really try hard to be friendly. But, it was not a good fit. His ideas of what Dominance and submission were, they were different from ours. I am in no place to judge. And I am not the perfect sub. Far from it. And I hold the firm belief that your dynamic is what is good for you. Do not apply it to me.

I like the idea that I can say no. I like the idea that I can say I don’t like something, talk to Sir about it, and it can be changed if we both agree. I believe we all should have that right unless we choose to give it away. And if you do, my hat off to you. You are doing something I can not.

It is a privilege Sir had given me. One I do not waste on petty things. One I will not give up. For me the freedom to say no and not use it is more powerful than not having the freedom to say it at all.

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About scarletdahlia or babydoll

This is thoughts and lessons I learn living in a D/s relationship.
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2 Responses to The Right to Say No?

  1. Kayla Lords says:

    A Dominant who wants a submissive that never refuses really wants a slave, not a submissive. But even then, I’m doubtful of any Dominant that doesn’t at least want to hear the opinion of their submissive, regardless of the dynamic they have. At the end of the day, minus the kink, we’re people with thoughts and feelings, and we should be treated as such (unless we mutually agree on something else). 🙂

    All that is to say, “Good for you!” I love how both of you responded to him.

    • I do not like the idea myself. It does raise some red flags for me. But, if you have agreed to it and have a clear contract then I guess it might work. I agree though that any Dom who does not want to hear the opinion of their sub is questionable in my mind. I don’t see it as a lack of submission.

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