In a conversation with some others in the lifestyle we talked about what to look for in a wanna be Dom and a wanna sub. For me spotting a wanna be Dom is easy. I think because I am a sub and know what to look for.
It would be:
Anyone demanding submission without knowing you.
The refusal to use a safeword.
Lack of respect for your safety and well-being.
The refusal to have a conversation about what is expected from both parties involved.
Not respecting limits you have set.
Using coercions or intimidation to get your submission.
Playing on your insecurities or fears to get submission.
A wanna be submissive is a little harder for me. It is not as glaring as the Dom. For me it is a feeling I get that something is not right with them and how they view their Dom.
For me the warnings would be:
Someone who feels their way is the ONLY WAY.
Lack of respect for their Dom in general or in specific ways like not following rules set by their Dom.
No respect for the privacy shared by them, over sharing of intimate details.
The attention seeker who is like look at me, I am a sub, what a good sub I am.
When angry or hurt losing their temper to the point of saying mean, hurtful, nasty things with the intent of hurting and nothing more.
Those who seek out advice but do not take it or argue every point as to why it won’t work for them.
A refusal to learn new things or better themselves.
Someone who uses their emotional state constantly to coerce a response from their Dom, whether positive or negative, or get their own way.
I have met both kinds of people. And Lord knows I am not a perfect sub by a long shot. But I will always respect Sir, whether I agree or not. No matter my emotional state. And Sir will always respect me and my feeling. In addition to that we will always respect those in the lifestyle who have experienced more or different things. They have something to teach us and we need to listen to better ourselves. When it comes down to it, it is all about respect. After that, it can all be worked out.